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♥ Is this friendship? ♥
3.21.2006
Of course this is only MY side of the story, so it might be biased, or bla or bla or bla. But was totally hurt by this incident. Friends who read my previous few entries started asking me what happened, I said nothing or it's over already. But I'm lying =/. And now i think it's time i pour my woes on this little corner of mine.
I always can't get a true best friend. That's not just a thought, but a reality. Everytime I get too comfortable with a person, boom, we start having weird rows and conflicts.
So all along throughout my upper sec years, I lived for about 10+ hours a day in school without a real good friend. At that time, my best buddy would be the studious guy sitting next to me, Mr Chong. Totally not because he helped me in ALL my subjects (I'm bad in all my 8 subjects. Serious). That period of time, i would tell him about every single thing. Except relations things. Friendship and so on.
He was a real great friend, that aside. After "O"s, we went separate ways. He went to a JC and I went to a Polytechnic. And we've not hangout (hungout?) ever since then, other than class outing.
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So, life after O levels was a torture if not for other great friends like Wendy and Kristel. Then, a person started appearing in my mundane life. All along he would call me occasionally and my reaction was to hangup on him or just try to sound irritated while he talked.
He was in the same CCA as me and i never did pay any attention to him. He is not the kind of super yan dao guys that will catch the attention of females nor half males. Also we were in the same lower sec class. Which I did not seem to remember.
So this person is a being that did not seem existing to me all along until after "O"s
I got real bored one day and he happened to call, so i chatted with him and found him quite fun to joke with and stuff. Let's label him "X".
Before i started work in Prime with Kristel, we would hang out together alot. Namely Kristel, Wendy, X and me. During then, I've already acknowledged that he is a true friend who would be there for me no matter what.
Sometimes during work, i would receive some kinda boring sms from him like "im bored, talk" or things like that. The regulations of Prime did not allow the workers to carry a handphone when working, but i did. So as to reply to my best friend's sms. Sometimes we would have dinner after work or such.
One night, i laid in bed and talked on the phone. At the other end X was worrying about the release of "O" level results. And i was trying to calm him down with useless jests. Obviously I should be more worried since I'm always stuck at the bottom of my class.
So the conversation went on. X asked if I wanted to go JC or Poly, because he can't make up his mind. I said Poly, getting into design school had been part of my post "O"s dream.
Upon hearing that, he said that he would go to Poly too.
So things went on normally until the release of results. I did very badly, unlike X. Who can enroll in some top notch JCs.
That night, we were on the phone again. I asked him what course he intend to take in Poly, because for a result like that, he can get into any course he wants. However, he told me he want to go JC.
At that time, i was pretty angered by his change of mind. Thinking about it, if I had a score like that, i would've gone to a JC too.
So he started school not long after the release of results. During his first week in JC, i smsed him as usual. But it took him longer to reply. I was still working in Prime that time and I constantly checked my pocket for any vibrations. But no.
So we drifted further apart and the number of calls and smses dropped. Until finally, my poly life start.
On the first day of orientation, I felt so leftout I kept smsing X. But he did not seem to care whether i make any new friends. He ignored most of my smses and I waited silently got his reply.
However, we still went out together as a group occasionally. Sometimes, he would ask that i help him pay for certain stuffs first, claiming that he will pay back later. I did so. Pretty dumb, but i thought i could trust him to pay back. Everytime we went out, he would ask me to pay for things, until his debt moutain to (I can't recall how much).
I started becoming more aware of his behaviour towards me. I realised he calls not to chat or ask about my life, but just getting me to help him ask girls out.
The conversations went like this:
X: oi, ask baabaa black sheep out on nehnehpok day k?
JJ: why? i try la, confirm with you later.
X: ok bye.
JJ: oi! just that?
Phone: toooooooooooooooooooooooo
And it happened very often, and I accepted the fact that I'm his slave or something.
Very often, he would claim to have research to do and his com broke down or something, so i HAD to let him come my house and invade my computer. To my horror, he was always playing games using my com, because his broke down and can't function.
I began wondering that it was only myself thinking that we were best friends. In X's eyes, we're not.
He borrowed money from me and didn't return. And I can't even ask for coins from him when I want something from the vending machine.
He comes to my house on last minute notice, and I am not allowed to even go his.
He would send sudden sms telling me to have dinner with him, but he never ever goes for dinner with me.
He would call me in the middle of the night and tell me he can't sleep, but when I sms him during sleepless night, he asks me to buzz off.
I had to do all sort of stuffs for him, but he won't help me with anything.
So i start feeling insecure of this friendship.
Recently i told him to totally get me out of his life and i will do the same after a quarrel. I told him I am tired of this kind of friendship I'm receiving.
The sms i sent:
I had enough le..i dont wanna be hut again and again by someone i thought i can trust..we should just go our own way.
And the reply:
sorry
Obviously i didn't reply to that. I've seen far too many sorries from him, none of it means anything. It is like "sorry because i will need someone to lend me money, ask for dates, do chores.."
And i decided not to ever be his definition of friend again.
I saw the phone ringing just now and it was from X. I did not pick it up.
What for drag this thing on when I am determined to end it?
I don't know if things will get back to normal for us, but i highly doubt so. I've given in far too much in trying to salvage this relationship, and I am not prepared to throw in more.
AND YES MY FRIENDS, I'M VERY FINE. If you intend to ask "are you ok?" or "what happened?", I think I've got the answers blogged down. =D
 Penned at 1:02 AM
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